Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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