I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
