We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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