AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
