Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
