I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
