it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
