I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
