Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize