I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
