508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
