My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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