I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This is not my ceiling
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
