Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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