i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need to calm my uterus...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
