everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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