Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
