who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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