do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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