There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm passing your future prison.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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