no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
