Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
