i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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