hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
