I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
