Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
