Someone shit on the floor
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
