Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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