Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
