Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
