My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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