Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
