If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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