After last night, I could never be a politician.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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