can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
