I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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