Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
why is half of my head shaved?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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