we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
