I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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