I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
