what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize