I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
