if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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