I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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