nutella sex= disaster
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
