so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
