Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
