my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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