im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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