i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He passed out mid-signature
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
