I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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