Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
