your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
be right there i have to get my cape
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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