I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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