You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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