when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
