So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
