i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
