Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
