Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
