The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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