shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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