I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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