Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
