I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
