My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
