worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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