Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
