We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
