I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
