he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
