you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
