while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
