True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My bed smells like the plague
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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