so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
