then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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