i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
