she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
