Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
