Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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