Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
